The Crack Can't Get Me...

Day Four....

On the Pod:
A Little Bit - Lykke Li
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
We Walk - The Ting Tings
Business Time - Flight of the Conchords
Walking in Memphis - Bruce
These Boots are Made for Walking - Nancy
Walk This Way - Aerosmith
Push It - Salt n Peppa
The Rhythm of the Night - Debarge (not really sure why that one made the list, actually - but it is rather twilighty in the early morning, isn't it?)

Alright, first off, setting off with a 40 minute playlist on a 20 minute walk is not SUCH a good idea. The thing is, in my enthusiasm for the cleverly chosen playlist, I kept fast-forwarding halfway through each track - in the hope of hearing every track. Then I wasn't even certain where the halfway point in each song would be. Yikes. And I got a bit anxious about missing out on the Feist song or the one where the girl sings about cheese on toast. I love that one. I don't want to miss it... Ohhhh. Luckily I had my inhaler with me, so a few puffs later I had decided to stop skipping and walk. Much less angst-ridden, methinks. And keep the playlists to 30 minutes tops from now on. That's the rules.

I'm so lucky to be so close to such a wonderful park, and the buildings are just gorgeous around the Museum and the Exhibition Buildings - if you're a nutter - waiting for some hint so you can come find me and push me over or something - then forget it. I can be really antsy when someone sneaks up on me. I've been known to really hurt people. I know I seem nice, but there's a dark side - and it likes meeting nutters in early morning park type situations. I once tried out for judo and they so let me in the class just because of my 'Charlie's Angels' attitude. I don't need a jumpsuit and flicks to kick butt, fella. I do just fine in my smock top and trench coat. Okay???

Now - nutter warned - cue the little early morning bird songs - I wanted to tell you how nice it is to run past the Museum windows. This is me. = 'Hello Mr Dinosaur down there'. 'Hello Mrs Nude Old Lady Sculpture up there! Oh and your nude elderly friend sculpture.. helloooo'. 'Hello Cloudy Window and Flying Saucer-esque Lights'. 'Hello big bit of Rubiks Cube on the side of the Museum'. Grin. Sigh. You know I can't help it. I'm cheesy. It's all about grinnercise for me.

Then past the IMax...
'Wow. Check out the Concrete Paving. Sheesh. That's a lot of paving. Oh.. so many rogue cracks in that paving. Bet that shits those designy people that ordered that paving. So, so, so many cracks. Why is it cracking? Hmm.. I'm not sure. Something about tectonic plates or whatever they are called. The earth is totally shifting. Hmm. Wow. Go Earth. Show that concrete who's boss. Imagine how many kids can't even walk into the museum, lest they 'tread on a crack and break their back'. Imagine all those poor teachers trying to lure superstitious children in to learn about geology, physiology, bee-ology.. that sort of thing. I feel sorry for those teachers. I wonder if they lift the children, rigid with crack fear, over the cracks just to get them in - it'd defo be quicker.... Oh. I'm meant to be walking briskly... but what if I tread on a crack? It's okay. I'm a grown up. The crack can't get me... Walk on."

Next, a turn up for the books, when there was ONE sleeping man by the pond and ONE duck too. It wasn't even drizzling. There was no excuse for that duck. My theory was also blown out of the water.

I remembered a commenter saying swing those arms.. but it's cold... I like my hands deep in the pockets of my overcoat. Fiddling with the iPod and generally keeping toasty. I think i must look like a skittle. Or like that old Moschino perfume bottle modelled on Olive Oil. Walking quick, perhaps bobbing a wee bit from side to side. Armless. And grinning. I am so freaking glamorous, I can't even begin to tell you. Esp with a sniffy nose too. Super-glam-sniffing-grinning-crazy-walking lady. Glam I am. And thinking about cracks. Don't forget about that.


I'm finding the choices a little tricky too, I must confess. There are a HUGE amount of paths in our park. They criss cross rather crazily - like snakes and ladders - and I try to stay on the perimeter, I really do. It's just that when I round the corner, a sweet little path ladders up on a diagonal. And I'm trying to be good so I think... 'Oh YES! That'll be super dooper for the legs'.

In a heartbeat I'm off the outer square, uphill along the laddery path and heading into the middle of the park, closer to the Pond Man. Pink Jumper Lady trots by like a frisky filly, so I have to walk MUCH faster to impress her. (I think she's a bit rude because she doesn't look back at me, even though I am wearing my nice black leggings with little pompom ankle socks.) Just between you and me, I don't care for her jumper. She needs her 'colours' done.

Another path snakes down, and admittedly I'm a bit breathy now after my show-off to PJL. I follow the 'Snakes Down' path - thinking of Snakes Alive - sporting (and i use the word loosely) some kind of sideways downhill stagger. I look like a spooz, so I forget about PJL for a minute and check the time. Eep! Ten minutes overtime. Hurrah!

It's funny, because when I slow my pace a bit, I notice that my calves hurt. Good. Notice sweaty back of neck. Good. Heart beating completely out of my chest (resembling Jim Carey in 'The Mask). Good. This is the absolutely very best time for me to go home. Half and hour in the the crack filled park is way plenty for me. It's a jungle of nude ladies and pink jumpers in there. It's not for the feint hearted, ya know?

xx Mikes

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